Orange County Friends Meeting
Religious Society of Friends (Quakers)

Santa Ana, California

Marriage

Quakers hold that people are married by God, not by other people.

"The right joining in marriage is the work of the Lord only, and not the priest's or magistrate's; for it is God's ordinance and not man's ... we marry none; it is the Lord's work, and we are but witnesses."  (George Fox, 1669)

A meeting for worship for the purpose of witnessing a marriage takes the same form as any meeting for worship. At some point the couple whose marriage we witness will rise and offer vows to each other. No prescribed vow exists, and many couples write their own. A traditional one went as follows

"In the presence of God and these our friends, I take thee ... to be my wife (husband), promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband (wife) so long as we both shall live."

Others may speak, and eventually the meeting ends in the traditional manner. Afterwards, a marriage certificate is produced, and everyone signs it.

Marriage under the care of a meeting

A couple that uses the form of a Quaker marriage is said to be "married after the manner of Friends." They don't need the involvement of any Quakers.

Marriage "under the care of a meeting" means the couple has followed a process that resulted in unity among the members that the couple is "clear" to be married. The clearness process that leads to unity may take some time.

When a couple wishes to be married "under the care of the Meeting," they write a letter stating their intention and request that the Meeting begin the clearness process.

Upon receiving this request, the Committee for Ministry and Oversight appoints a Clearness Committee. The couple then meets with this Committee to give prayerful consideration regarding the right course of action.

When the couple and the committee are clear that the marriage should go forward, the committee reports to the Ministry and Oversight Committee, indicating that unity has been found. The Monthly Meeting accepts the report for consideration at the following Meeting for Business. When the Meeting has united in approving the request, a time and place for the wedding will be scheduled and an arrangements committee will be appointed.

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